keep learning.
week 1 of the artist way and my determination to be disciplined.
Hello to my little piece of the internet.
As I end my first year of my master’s program in three weeks and my 23rd birthday looms near (VEGAS, I’m coming), I have been taking a personal inventory of myself, who I want to be, and what I want to accomplish. The goal in starting this substack and everything in my life is to stay on my path to my dreams.
Yet, while I am writing more, I sometimes find myself staring at the computer screen with no ideas or doubting what I am creating. I am having trouble defining who I am as a writer and what I want to say. So I prayed on it and talked to many of my friends and a few things have happened.
I joined a biweekly writers community and I started the 12-week course of The Artist’s Way.
I bought the audiobook about a month ago as the book has been recommended to me so many times. I started the introduction while cleaning, but I was hesitant to start.
Well, when my classmate connected me with a friend of his who invited me to join one of their writing sessions, I pushed past all of the little voices in my head and I went. Sitting in a room of women from all different walks of life, all navigating the industry many steps ahead of me, I sat and wrote, but I also listened. Listened to what they were working on both professionally and personally, and felt seen within the first hour or so of being there. Soon into the session when we were recapping what we were working on, two of the ladies shared that they had just finished their 12 weeks. While this may be naive, I believe in signs. And this felt like one.
They raved about it and how having an accountability partner was so necessary to their journey.
And now here I am. My friend Jalynn and I have been talking so much about navigating writing so I brought her in as my accountability partner, meeting on Fridays to check in. Yet, what better way to hold yourself accountable than to write about it every week?
I created this Substack to create a space of transparency for myself or anyone in my community trying to navigate chasing a dream. I was asking God for something to share on this platform, and I found it. So let the 12 weeks begin….
Week 1: Recovering A Sense of Safety
Week One of the Artist Way is all about confronting what you have been told and internalized around being an artist. What Julia Cameron calls blurts are the little voices in your head that project negativity onto your creativity and it is understanding those and responding with positive affirmations that help you start to feel safe within yourself. To be an artist is to be audacious and vulnerable, and that’s only possible if you are creating for yourself and not for others. At the end of the chapter, you are given many tasks some of which I would like to keep personal, but I do want to share my blurts and positive affirmations.
My Blurts and Affirmations:
“You don’t write enough”: I am willing and capable of developing a writing practice that works for me.
“You don’t have enough life experience”: My age doesn’t determine what I have experienced and I have been and will continue to be blessed with what I need to succeed.
“What makes you think you can write something better than others?” : There is space in the industry/world for my voice and stories.
“You are too green? Too naive? Too Young?” : I am on the exact right path I am meant to be on because my timeline is my own.
Why would anyone care about what you are writing about?: I have a unique voice and important stories to tell that will represent my community and myself.
You are gonna be a writer with what samples?: I am perfecting and honing my craft at my own pace.
No one will take you seriously.: I am not concerned with the opinions or expectations of others.
You aren’t good enough.: I am more than enough.
You chose this and don’t know or have what it takes.: I will learn what I don’t know and am in no rush to prove myself to anyone.
Go get a practical job.: F THAT!
Cameron talks a lot about reflecting on specific people and times in your past that have negatively affected how you view yourself as an artist. Some of my blurts are fresh wounds of being young and new in the industry, receiving unwanted advice and perspectives from jaded older creatives and execs. Others, like so many people of color and products of single-parent households, many of my blurts from childhood are about being realistic in my pursuit of a life/career. My mom wanted to raise strong and independent women and running off and being an artist scared her. Hell, it scares me now. I reflect on these small comments or conversations, not with resentment, but with empathy for where she was coming from. My mom wanted me to have stability in my life, something that she worked hard to have for herself and to give to me and my sister. She wanted better and more for us. Even after she realized that I was gonna write regardless, she made sure that I understood everything about the choice to choose a creative life. My sister and dad continue to echo those sentiments. My father is a producer and he has always made it clear to me what it takes. “You are the one who chose to join the competitive industry, so keep going”.“Stay informed and stay ready”. “Have a plan”.
These conversations prepared me for the harsh realities of the industry I have chosen, but it has also made me jaded in my pursuit. Fearful. Hyperfocused on what could go wrong or my lack to the point where I can’t make space for what’s possible or sit in the unknown.
As I develop my sense of safety as an artist, I challenge myself to no longer internalize these thoughts. I’m aware of what could go wrong. I will remain diligent and steadfast in my work, but I can also create space to feel secure and safe. And to anyone else wondering, you can too.
Thanks for reading! I made it another Wednesday!
Until next time.
xx.
kels. who. elsee